Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home.
As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood. With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her
"Honey, would you give me a kiss ?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
" Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
He asked grinning at her.
" No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on!
There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
" No way, it's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".
" No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
" No, no. I just can't" " I'm begging you ... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and
The girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled,
And in a sleepy voice she said,
" Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need
Be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours....
TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL ........
As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood. With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her
"Honey, would you give me a kiss ?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
" Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
He asked grinning at her.
" No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on!
There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
" No way, it's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".
" No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
" No, no. I just can't" " I'm begging you ... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and
The girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled,
And in a sleepy voice she said,
" Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need
Be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours....
TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL ........
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift.She shook it, held it overhead, and said, " I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." " That's right the boy said, " but how did you know ? " "Oh, just a wild guess, " she said. The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, " I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets. " " That's right, but how did you know ? " asked the girl. " Oh, just a wild guess, said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. " Is it wine ? " she asked. " No the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. " Is it champagne ? " she asked. " No, " the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, " I give up, what is it? With great glee, the boy replied, " It's a puppy! "
Who is bigger, Mr Bigger, or Mr Bigger's baby?
Answer- the Baby is a little Bigger!!!!!
A snail went to the police station after just been robbed. The policeman asked if he could describe what happened and the snail said "It all happened so fast!
Lady rushes into a shop, picks up a can of fly spray and says to the assistant,"Is this good for flies? "No madam,"is the reply."It kills them"
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It is 42 mam!"
Teacher: "great, and who will tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It 24 mam."
A :Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
B : OK
A : A white horse fell in the mud.
B : =.=!
What did the red light say to the green light?
Don't look I'm changing!
A:What do two oceans do when they meet?
B:Nothing! Just wave
Which runs faster, hot or cold?
Hot,because everyone can catch cold.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
Noeyedear
Doctor, Doctor can you please help me out?
Yes, over there- the same way that you came in!
Who is bigger, Mr Bigger, or Mr Bigger's baby?
Answer- the Baby is a little Bigger!!!!!
A snail went to the police station after just been robbed. The policeman asked if he could describe what happened and the snail said "It all happened so fast!
Lady rushes into a shop, picks up a can of fly spray and says to the assistant,"Is this good for flies? "No madam,"is the reply."It kills them"
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It is 42 mam!"
Teacher: "great, and who will tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It 24 mam."
A :Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
B : OK
A : A white horse fell in the mud.
B : =.=!
What did the red light say to the green light?
Don't look I'm changing!
A:What do two oceans do when they meet?
B:Nothing! Just wave
Which runs faster, hot or cold?
Hot,because everyone can catch cold.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
Noeyedear
Doctor, Doctor can you please help me out?
Yes, over there- the same way that you came in!
~Laugh Out LouD!!!~
**Sure to make you Roll On The Floor Laughin (ROFL)**
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one
Q. How do you keep someone in suspense?
A. Oh, I'll tell you tomorrow!
Q. Why did the kids all eat their homework?
A. Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Q. What kind of cheese isn't yours?
A. Nacho Cheese
Q: How can you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome?
A:PULL DOWN IT'S GENES!!!!!!
Q. Why did a kid throw a clock out the window?
A. To see time fly.
Q.What does an envelope say when you lick it?
A. Nothing. It just shuts up.
Q:Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
A:So they can float upside-down in the custard without being seen.
Q:Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside-down in custard?
A:EXACTLY!
Q: How many moves do you have to do to put an elephant in a fridge?
A: Three! Open the door, put the elephant in the fridge and close the door.
Q:How many moves do you have to do to put a giraffe in a fridge?
A: Four! Open the door, take the elephant out of the fridge, put the giraffe in the fridge and close the door.
Q:There's a huge fire in the jungle. Which animal will survive?
A: The giraffe, because it's in the fridge!
Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7
A: Because 7 8 9!
Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
A: He wanted to see what High School was like!
Q: Why does it get hot after a baseball game?
A: Because all the fans have left!
Q: How can you tell if a calendar is popular?
A: It has a lot of dates!
Q: What does a bee use to brush its hair?
A: A honeycomb!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: Where do you find a tortoise with no legs?
A: Where you left it
Q: How can you make God laugh?
A: Tell Him your plans for the future.
Q: Why don't they play poker in the jungle?
A: Too many cheetahs.
Q: What do you call chicken in a hot tub?
A: Soup.
Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: FSH
A: FSH
~ I know I'm ROFL'in what about u? ~
Labels:
chuckle,
comedy,
comedycentral,
cute,
extreme,
funny,
giggle,
GiggleZ 4 U,
jokes,
jus4u,
just for gags,
love,
munchai,
munlui
0
comments
|
Caution : Contains highly stomach explosive content. Reader should not read while eating, or after having meal or think about this content while having a meal after this. Any cases of such will not be entertained to prevent contagious explosion of stomach...hehe, hv fun!
~ The Grass Eater ~
A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"
~ The Mushroom!!! ~
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
~ New Buddy ~
Once upon a time there was a chap, who after a bitter divorce, became very lonely. And so he went to the pet store and told the owner he wanted an unusual pet to keep him company. After much discussion, he decided on a centipede, which he immediately named Carl. It came with a little white box which could be used as its house.
He took the box home and found a good location for it, and decided that he would start off by taking his new friend to the pub to have a drink. So he peeked into the opening on the box and said "Hey Carl, would you like to nip down to the pub for a beer?"
There was, however, no reply, and that bothered the chap a bit. A few minutes later he asked again and said "Hey, how about going down to the pub with me for a beer?" But again there was no answer from his new friend. So he waited ten more minutes thinking about the situation and then decided to ask one more time. He put his mouth up to the opening in the white box and shouted "Hey, you in there, would you like to go to the pub place and have a drink with `
At this, a little voice came out of the box and said "No need to shout, hang on a minute, I heard you the first time. I'm putting on my shoes!"
